Okay, so maybe this whole blogging thing isn’t really for me. I am so scatterbrained, that it is almost impossible for me to remember to blog considering I’ve got 1000 other things going on. But with a new year comes change, right?
Since I haven’t posted anything since August, let me get you up to speed on my crazy, hectic life. Unbeknownst to many of you at the time of my last post, I was pregnant. Since then I am happy to report that I have had a beautiful, healthy baby boy. And boy has it been a crazy ride so far.
While my pregnancy was, for the most part, picture perfect, my emotions definitely got the best of me during those nine very long months. Life has kind of become a whirlwind of emotions for me in the last couple of months, partly because I was pregnant, and partly because, well, life hasn’t exactly been as great as I had imagined it being. I think I’ve kind of reached a place in my life where I just feel stuck. Almost as if i’m just going through the motions of day to day life, with no real direction or long term plan. Other than raising my son of course. Upon graduating high school, I would’ve sworn to you that I had everything I wanted to do and accomplish planned out, but now I am so far from that plan, that I couldn’t possibly even begin to tell you how to get myself back on track. One could say i’m currently living in the doldrums. It’s almost as if I have lost sight of who I am. Aside from saying “My name is Briana. I’m my mother’s child. Hard headed and strong willed, and the mother to a beautiful baby boy”, who am I?
I find myself asking this question over and over. Day in a day out, hoping to reconnect with who I really am. Recently I started reading Fresh Air by Chris Hodges, who just so happens to be the pastor of my church, Church of the Highlands here in Birmingham, AL. If I’m being completely honest, he is the reason that I’ve started this quest that I am on. After hearing so many of his wonderful sermons, I began to question where I am in my life and where I’m going. But in order to do that, I have realized that there are a lot of questions I’ve got to get answered. In order to know where you’re going in life, you’ve got to have a plan and know your purpose. And currently, I know none of that.
I figured the first step would be to get myself back in church. Which I have done. I have started to attend Church of the Highlands on a regular basis and am soon planning on being baptized and officially joining the church. After that, I will be dedicating my son to the church as well. Secondly, I have set in motion my return to school. Hopefully I will have everything I need taken care of by the time the fall semester starts, so I can get my head back in the books.
With all this being said, I am hoping to finally start getting the answers to some of the questions I have in my life, and hope to finally know my purpose and have a plan. I guess I can thank my son’s arrival for all of this madness going on inside of my head. I just don’t feel like I would be able to effectively raise a child if I have no plan or purpose for my life. After all, we are supposed to lead by example. So I guess I should at least set a good one, right?
Enough of the rambling for tonight. Sleep tight all.